I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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