so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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