you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
