I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
