My first STD was from a foam party
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
