A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
