Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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