you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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