nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
