For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
