I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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