in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize