The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
