youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
