I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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