if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
