i just google imaged poop.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
