and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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