Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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