I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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