Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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