If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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