Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
