There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
