my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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