Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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