You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
