He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize