i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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