You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
