You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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