Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
