the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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