Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
