apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
false alarm, still single
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
