she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
