i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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