I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
