My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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