with your own penis?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
