Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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