i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
