I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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