Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
