I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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