I wish I could punch you in the face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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