just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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