After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
