I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
