FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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