Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
