booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
