I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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