Grow some girl-balls and come out already
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
