New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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