so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
