he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
