You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
