My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
