My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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