i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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