god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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