Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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