you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
