just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
