My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
