I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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