Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
