Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
