worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
