Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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