drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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