I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize