You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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