That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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