I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
