what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
