There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
