Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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