Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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