Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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