I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She even gives head with a lisp.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
