Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
