I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
