You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
