I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
