bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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