My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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