I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
