ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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