I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
