Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
