you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
